Whispers In Nightmares
by Arato
Summary: Jayne Cobb's past is haunting him more than he would like the lies his life has circled around are now spiraling out of control.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Whispers In Nightmares

**Author:** Arato

**Fandom:** Firefly

**Rating:** NC-17

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Firefly characters. Joss Whedon does. Thank him. I make no money from any of this. This is set after "Objects in Space" but before "Serenity".

**Any** Comments/Criticism is definitely welcome. Have any ideas? Tell me what you think about the story. Tell me what you think about the characters, and be sure to rate.

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Whispers in Nightmares

Jayne Cobb was weary of living a lie.

He sighed heavily, reaching for the worn out cover on the dirty floor. He stopped, jerking his hand back under his stomach for continued warmth. Gorram thing didn't even cover his whole body anyway.

He knew he was in store for another sleepless night on board Serenity. He reached for his rugged boots adorned with smudges of mud. His exhausted mind and weakened limbs pleaded with him to go back into the peaceful ecstasy of slumber, but he was set on the tightening of shoelaces on his feet. He stood, extending his aching arms above his throbbing head.

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An incandescent glow greeted Jayne as he stepped into the dining hall. The ship was deathly quiet tonight. He figured it was due to all the hard work they'd done; haulin' boxes, gun fightin' and such were just a small number of things they'd conquered in a few hours time. Any normal human being would want to sleep after such a ruttin' day. He took a seat at the far end of the table, his head held in his large hands.

"Somethin' wrong?" A man's voice rang throughout the quiet room.

Jayne jumped a bit, startled by the strong voice. "Wu de tyen ah feng du, Mal! It ain't healthy sneakin' up on a man like that." His fingers released the knife in his grasp, shoving the thing back into his pocket and weaving their way back up to the wooden table.

"Wasn't sneakin'. It's my ship. Why would I need to sneak?" The Captain retorted, pulling up a chair next to Jayne.

"Sure as hell seemed like it to me." Jayne replied in an agitated tone.

"You're not sleepin' much these past few nights Jayne. Somethin' runnin' around in that head of yours?" Mal asked watching the mercenary closely.

"Ain't nuthin' Mal. Just can't sleep is all." Jayne answered. He knew the Captain was studying him intently, waiting for the truth to spill from his dry lips. He would not give in.

"You and I both know that ain't the half of it. Dong ma? So you want to tell me what's actually been botherin' you?" The Captain's brow was now uplifted, his face set in stone.

Jayne slammed his fist down on the table; the anger boiled in his veins. Why did Mal have to be so damned persistent? Another lie. It was what his life had boiled down to from the moment he made that damned decision, a decision that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Alright Mal. You wanna know? I'm thinkin' 'bout the drop off tomorrow. Got a couple enemies-" Jayne was cut off when Mal threw his hands up in the air.

"Whoa. Hold on. This ain't gonna turn out like Canton is it Jayne?" Mal inquired hastily.

"Not that I know of Mal. Just a couple of guys wantin' to take a pair of bullets to my heart is all." Jayne whispered.

Mal sighed deeply, his hand running through his disheveled hair. "Alright Jayne. Just keep a close watch out. You should get some sleep. We're planning to arrive in about three hours." Mal stood, setting the chair back into place, walking off into the darkness.

Jayne gave a long sigh. It wasn't hard playing the dumb mercenary; he could convince almost anyone. Lying wasn't hard either; the crew believed his "simple" brain could only calculate in certain ways. Oh, how they were wrong. So wrong. Jayne sneered, standing from the table.

"Oh, and Jayne." Mal's head popped around the corner; his tired eyes landing on Jayne.

"Gorrammit Mal! What'd I tell you 'bout sneakin' up on me?" The blade that was once again in Jayne's large hand found its home in an old, dirty pocket.

"You should get clean. It's a big city, and you'll stick out like a sore thumb if you look…and smell like that." Mal's head was gone once again. Footsteps faded from the room.

Jayne cleared his throat, his hand going to touch the unkempt beard on his chin. He would have to get a hold on himself. Guard his thoughts. Otherwise…He shook his head. He did not want to think of what would happen.

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The cool water sprinkled down on his nude form. He savored the feeling of the chilly droplets touching his bare skin. He had been standing in the same spot for over an hour in the showers, letting all his pain and suffering drown with the water under his feet. He groaned.

"An hour ain't much sleep." He told himself. His hands tousled his dark, wet hair. He turned the shower off; wrapping a tattered, white towel around his lower half, he walked through the corridors to his bunk. Closing the door, he walked to the middle of his room. Clothes were strewn about, all unclean, on his cluttered floor. He dropped the towel and threw it onto his bed. Sulking, he tried to look for a clean pair of clothes. He moaned. No such luck.

"Jayne? Capt'n says-" Kaylee stopped, her eyes going wide, staring at Jayne's nude backside.

"Cap'n says to go to the cargo bay. H-he needs you there. We're landing soon." Her voice was shaky. His door closed, and the sound of Kaylee's boots could be heard running.

He shook his head. It was going to be one long hell of a day.

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gorram – god damn or gosh darn

wu de tyen ah feng du – dear god in heaven or hell

dong ma? – do you understand


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Whispers in Nightmares II- The Pain Behind The Eyes

**Author:** Arato

**Fandom:** Firefly

**Rating:** PG-13 for language

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Firefly characters. Joss Whedon does. Thank him. I make no money from any of this.

**Notes:**This is set after "Objects in Space" but before "Serenity".

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Whispers in Nightmares II- The Pain Behind Those Eyes

Jayne grunted as he lifted the last crate into the small craft.

"Zoë. Jayne." Mal nodded to each of them as he stepped into the main seat of the craft. The Captain ran his hand through his auburn out of habit as he checked the cargo. He mumbled to himself while pointing at certain containers, a hand resting on his chin every once in a while.

Meanwhile Jayne was curiously watching Kaylee. She was walking brusquely through the cargo room, a wrench in her hand. She would fling it violently around at times as if silently debating with herself. His muscular buttocks must have damaged Kaylee mentally worse than he thought. He chuckled to himself.

Mal had finally finished conducting the check. "Alright crew. We'll be back in about four hours; I expect the ship ready for launch if somethin' goes wrong."

A man in a Hawaiian shirt turned his attentions to Mal. "What could possibly go wrong? Well, besides the fact that a shoot out will very likely take place; River will go into one of her strange moods, Jayne will say something stupid enough for you to get caught-"

Jayne grunted. He could care less what the Pilot thought of him; actually he could care less of what anyone thought of him.

Mal held his hands in the air, signaling for Pilot Wash to end his humorous comment. Wash only looked back, giving a loving smile to his wife.

"Cap'n?" Kaylee asked. She ran toward the yellow hovering craft, a tool held tightly in her grasp. Her gaze avoided Jayne, looking everywhere but into his cool grey eyes. He watched her bottom lip quiver in frustration; her eyebrows arched high in thought. A smile played over his lips; he knew she was embarrassed.

"What is it Kaylee?" Mal questioned, eyeing her intently.

"I was wonderin' if we'd be able to pick up some passengers. You know? Keep 'em for a week or so?" Kaylee kept her pleading eyes on Mal waiting for the answer.

"Get 'em in here and settled down before we're back and I ain't got a problem." Mal reached outside the vehicle, patting Kaylee on the head like a small child.

"Shiny Cap'n!" Kaylee squeaked. She scurried back into the ship, obviously going to clean herself. Kaylee knew passengers wouldn't like to meet some greased up crewmember for their very first welcome aboard Serenity.

Jayne hoisted himself into the back seat as First Mate Zoë climbed beside Mal. Zoë looked over at her husband acknowledging him; a wide smile splaying over her full lips.

Jayne's headache was getting worse, and the loud roar of the vessel made the thumping unbearable. But Jayne Cobb wasn't a man who complained…usually.

"Ready Zoë?" The Captain questioned.

"Ready sir." Zoë answered. Her face was set in stone, her lips stretched in a thin line. She knew what was ahead of them.

Jayne's downcast eyes held no emotion, although he was tearing apart inside. He would never be a true part of the crew; he was used to being left out, although it still deeply hurt all the same. In time he had learned to revel in the revulsion that was always sent his way, whether it be a look, word, or action. The pain would always stay in his thoughts, circling like a brooding dark cloud ready to release its bitter tears. But through this pain he gained strength. A strength to keep his emotions numb, and thrust his acidic thoughts elsewhere.

The craft took off with a violent speed, lurching a meditative Jayne forward in his seat. He grumbled incoherently.

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The ride seemed so long to Jayne, although it always did when he was constantly alone. Mal and Zoë started to converse about the employer they were going to meet up with, both of them laughing and enjoying themselves. Jayne had lost interest a long time ago; all his burning questions about the man were answered without him even opening his lips.

So he turned to exploring the streets where the vibrant crowd with odd colors and diverse people continued on with their shabby lives. Jayne's eyes swiped over the swarming streets with a calculating gaze. He'd have to lay low. _Not too low_, he thought. That would bring attention he didn't want. The craft swerved suddenly, leaving Jayne caught between Zoë and Mal near the front of the vehicle.

Shaken but not stirred, Jayne regained his footing, shoving himself back into his seat. He looked, startled, at the empty and sullied passageway they had presently twisted into.

"Hell Mal, if you wanted to throw me off this ruttin' thing-" He stopped as Mal turned, looking back with a fierceness in his eyes.

"Crossed my mind." Mal responded.

Jayne could only stare in slow horror as he watched the scene unfold. Mal had his gun out of the bottom of the craft, cocked, and in Jayne's forehead in one fluid motion. Mal's finger was on the trigger, and a determined gleam hovered in his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Whispers in Nightmares III- Some Things Never Change

**Author:** Arato

**Fandom:** Firefly

**Rating:** NC-17

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Firefly characters. Joss Whedon does. Thank him. I make no money from any of this.

**Notes: **This is set after "Objects in Space" but before "Serenity".

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Whispers in Nightmares III- Some Things Never Change

_Onboard Serenity_

_Inara's Shuttle _

Kaylee stood at the entrance of Inara's shuttle, quietly watching the companion flick her finger across the handsome men on the screen in front of her.

"Would you like something Kaylee?" Inara asked gently.

"I wasn't meanin' to disturb you Inara." Kaylee answered back.

Inara turned, setting her hands in her lap; a tender smile was fashioned by her lips as she looked at the young woman.

"You never intrude. Come, sit beside me." Inara stood, elegantly walking over to a crimson colored bench. She sat, tapping the position next to her. She stopped for a moment, thinking. "Aren't you supposed to be looking for passengers Kaylee?" Inara asked her head tilted to the side.

Kaylee nodded. "Yeah, but Serenity can only hold so many. Got all the passengers we need." She answered back.

Kaylee gradually sauntered into the room, admiring the tranquil impression the space bestowed. Candles filled the room, leaving the illumination on the walls eternally shifting with the glistening flames. A bizarre aroma filled the quarters, delighting Kaylee's nose. Her thoughts absorbed the deep, sensual tone of the room; the profound reds and dazzling golds setting her eyes alight.

"Thanks Inara. I didn't know who else to come to. With Simon so concerned over River, and with Wash and Book so busy, and-" She stopped herself. She was babbling. She needed to calm down so she could tell Inara.

"It's no trouble Kaylee. I enjoy the talks we have." Inara beamed at Kaylee, but she could tell something was wrong. The girl no longer held the cheerful smile she always wore, and her eyes seemed faint. "Is…something bothering you?" She asked abruptly.

Kaylee looked at Inara with tear filled eyes; her voice broken as she spoke. "I didn't mean no harm. Cap'n just asked me to fetch Jayne from his bunk. I wasn't thinkin' nothin' of it. I went to his room, peekin' inside to see if he was there. His back was turned to me, and he was all undressed…"

Inara tried to suppress a giggle. "Did it disturb you that much?" Inara questioned.

Kaylee gave her a tear filled expression. "It ain't that Inara. It ain't that at all. I don't think Jayne's that bad lookin'. He just ain't really my type is all." She held her head in her hands as she continued. "He had this horrible scar Inara. Scared me. It went from the top of his back all the way down to his rump. Looked like it had been cut deep, and not only that…it looked like he had been marked. You know, like a cattle brand? Jayne ain't the best person in the world, but he don't deserve pain like that. I don't know why he don't ever talk about 'em."

Inara held her breath. This had disturbed Kaylee deeply; the least she could do for her dear friend was to console her. "He _is_ a mercenary Kaylee. Perhaps he got those scars from different fights?"

Kaylee shook her head, her hair falling over her eyes. "He couldn't have. The scars were odd. Like…like a markin' or-or a symbol or somethin'. I couldn't look at it any longer. I had to turn away. The brand was worse though. Could you imagine somethin' burnin' your skin like that, and leavin' a mark there for the rest of your life?" Her breath was ragged.

Inara held the crying woman in her arms. "Shhh Kaylee. It's alright. Whatever the story behind the scar, and the brand, it's over with. He's okay."

"I-I just don't know if I should say somethin' to him. Ask him where he got 'em." Kaylee whispered.

" If he wants you to know, he'll tell you." Inara uttered. "_Yes, he'll tell you_."

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_Lutheran _

_Abandoned Passageway_

Jayne's brow began to sweat as the gun hovered above his eyesight. He slowly wove his hand in his right pocket, secretly feeling the cool metal of his knife. He stared at Mal and Zoë, watching their gazes settle beyond him.

"Now you listen to me Jayne Cobb. Don't move. They can't see my gun from this angle." Mal whispered.

Jayne swallowed the bulky lump in his throat, but did not speak.

"We've got a couple of people followin' us, and I don't like it much." Mal said.

"At least four of them have guns, sir." Zoë announced softly.

"Now when I tell you to duck Jayne, duck. Dong ma?" Mal ordered.

Jayne nodded; his fingers trembled.

"We ain't been on this planet for an hour and- DUCK!" Mal unexpectedly howled.

Jayne did as he was told, his heavily built body landing with a _thud _on the hovercraft's base. The sound of gunfire, followed by mournful wails pierced his hearing. In a moment's time, all was silent.

Mal's heavy breathing slowly settled, and a look of relief flooded the man's face. "You all right Jayne?" The Captain inquired.

Jayne gave him a look of disbelief. "Am I all right? Am I all right! Hell Mal, you just put a gun to my face and got this wild look in your eyes." Jayne grumbled. "Am I all right? Humph."

The trio uneasily settled back into the hovercraft; their faces set in stone.

A silence settled over the small group as they returned to the crowded street. The loud bustling on the street had kept passerby's attention diverted. No one had hurt the gunshots. Jayne wiped the sweat off his brow. That had been close…too close for his comfort.

The rest of the ride was monotonous. Jayne apprehensively kept his hand on the chilly blade in his pocket; his gray eyes set ahead of him. He slowly licked his lips in anticipation. The deal wasn't the only thing that was running through his mind.

"Jayne?" Mal spoke.

He hadn't seen Rose Throlf in such a long time…

"Jayne!" Mal yelled.

Jayne's trance was broken as he looked over at Mal and Zoë standing in front of a shabby, dimly lit structure.

Jayne only grunted in reply, jumping off the vessel. He walked toward Mal and Zoë, watching their steady gazes settle on him. As soon as he stood in front of them, Mal started to speak.

"This is how it goes. We get the cargo. We go in. We make the deal. We get out. Dong ma?" The Captain looked at both of them for a response.

Jayne and Zoë both nodded, closely following the Captain into a dilapidated building; a building labeled with a glowing sign that read "Bar".

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_Lutheran _

_The Shiny Glass_

"The deal's gone bad, and you know it." Jayne whispered to Mal.

The saloon was unusually large; private tables were set up in the back of the place hidden by heavy draped curtains. Large, lively pool tables sat in random places on the emerald colored carpet. The illumination inside the building was faint. The structure gave off a strange alcoholic odor. Men's gruff voices carried throughout the place. A few monitors were situated here and there a loud buzzing and vibrant colors filling the screen. Scantily clad women danced around the place, grabbing many a man's attentions. Yes, it was a perfect place to work out a deal.

"The deal ain't gone bad. Keep your mouth shut Jayne." The Captain harshly whispered back.

A man with long dark hair, and pale skin sneered. He gracefully took a drink from his long cup, only to slam it back down on glassy table. He motioned for one of his men, keeping his eyes on the trio before him. He stood quickly, brushing aside the curtain that gave the table its privacy.

"I think you should listen to your large friend here." His cold green eyes locked on Jayne. "He seems to have more brains than you." His thin wrist flicked toward Mal in disapproval.

Jayne held his stoic expression, but inside he was doubling over with laughter. A comment like that had to be more than a slap in the face for Mal.

"There's no reason this deal should've gone bad. You mind tellin' me what went wrong?" Mal's stare fell to the dark haired man as he responded.

"Certain people have…caught wind of your little stolen commodities. I'm not going to be some…businessman for you to hand it off to so easily. In a weeks time they'll be swarming me for every little piece of illegal merchandise I have. I'm no fool." With that the man turned, heading for the outside door in a hurry.

"Told ya the deal'd gone bad." Jayne persisted.

Mal sighed. "Let's get off Lutheran."

Jayne gave Mal a sly look. "Do we have to go now?"

Mal sighed, shaking his head. "Meet us on Serenity in two hours; if your there a minuet later and you're stayin'."

Jayne grinned as he watched his two comrades exit the building.

Jayne stayed at the table, eyeing an attractive whore that was quickly approaching him. Her long raven hair dangled past her delicate shoulders; she was well endowed, curves filling all the right places. A thin waist and long legs were evident with her see through attire. Sensuous lips, a thin nose, brilliant eyes with long lashes, and arched eyebrows were visible as she advanced. She stood next to him now, quickly jerking his hand to her hip, motioning for him to get up. He complied, following the woman into one of the private rooms in a slim hallway.

As the door slammed shut, the woman's lips met his in a burning fury of passion. He shoved her away in disgust.

"Long time Rose." He snarled.

The woman gave him a sensuous smile. "Agreed Logan."

"Being a whore is no fun, well at least pretending to be." She pouted.

"Really? I thought it suited you well." Jayne replied, walking next to the bed.

She followed, running her hand along his chest.

Jayne pulled out a small device from his pocket. "Got the replacement?" He asked while eyeing her.

"Right here." A finger traced from her slim neck down to the middle of her breasts.

"Give it to me." He growled.

"Get it yourself." Rose teased.

"I don't feel like playing games, Rose." Jayne said, his eyes peering in anger.

She sighed, picking up the small object in her garment. "Here." She glowered handing the small device to him. "You know Logan Slade," She started, "You still haven't changed."

He didn't reply; his mind and digits were busy fiddling with the object in his hands.

She tapped her foot in the floor in agitation. "Any man would love the invitation to touch me, but you…" She caught Jayne's proud jaw in her hands. "You have always thrown me aside like a piece of trash. Why?"

He jerked his jaw from her soft hands. He strode over to the door opening it quickly. Once he was outside, he stopped and turned around looking at her one last time.

Jayne gave a careless shrug. "I like a challenge." He said as he slammed the door in her face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Whispers in Nightmares IV- A Broken Promise, A Mended Lie

**Author:** Arato

**Fandom:** Firefly

**Rating:** NC-17

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Firefly characters. Joss Whedon does. Thank him. I make no money from any of this.

**Notes: **This is set after "Objects in Space" but before "Serenity".

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Whispers in Nightmares IV- A Broken Promise, A Mended Lie.

_Lutheran_

_Deserted Passage _

The large fist of Jayne Cobb collided with a ruined stone wall.

He had just shattered a promise; the only promise that mattered to him in the worthless existence he considered his life. He bent over in agony, seizing his head in his long hands. The crimson stain from his knuckles ran freely to his fingertips, leisurely dripping onto the fractured pavement like a thin stream of alcohol pouring into an old glass. He heaved a sigh, positioning his backside onto the stone surface and gradually sinking onto the unpleasantly cold concrete. The rock scraped his skin, leaving brazen red scratches all along his scarred backside, but he didn't care.

As soon as he had stepped outside the bar, the sky had become gloomy and somber. It seemed that even the planet could feel his pain; perhaps it was sending the liquid kisses to soothe his aching mind? Droplets of water caressed his sensitive skin as he sat ever still, ever vigilant. A large rumble settled over the city. The immense wail of nature echoed throughout the small alleyway he was mourning in, although it did not affect Jayne's strong state of meditation. His inner, most secretive thoughts traveled to the past; to a time when he was young and happy, to a time where nothing mattered but her.

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**_Jayne's Flashback_**

Jayne cleared his throat, straightening the uneven tie around his neck. His nerves were in jumbles, and the contents in his stomach threatened to spew forth. He forced himself to calm down as he walked into a spacious ballroom. Huge chandeliers dangled from the lofty ceilings, casting the room in a misty radiance. The white floor was spotless, the tiles shining under the illumination of the chandeliers. Striking provisions sat upon glittering gold trays, which rested on top of ornamental wooden tables.

Women dazzled the eyes with magnificent dresses, and stunning hairstyles. Flashy jewelry adorned their necks, and ears. The men wore their best ensemble with golden buttons, and slicked back hair. Hand-in-hand men and women danced charmingly in the middle of the floor. The soft melody of song drifted to his ears, soothing and washing over him. Everything was so rich, and lively.

Then there was Jayne. He found himself wiping his sweaty palms on a size too small suit; a black suit with grey buttons his poor momma had made for him. He couldn't afford one, not a decent one at least, so he had contacted her on his home planet, begging and pleading for her to make him one. She completely agreed, sending it to him a couple of weeks later. Apparently she did not realize that he had grown since the last time they had been in contact.

He observed the couples dancing as he ambled to the back of the room. He had lost track time watching the couples swirl and spin upon the floor. Standing in the corner of the ballroom for what seemed like hours, he had begun to feel restless. He wanted to dance so badly, remembering the hours on end he had practiced for this special occasion.

He wanted to ask someone, but he was at a loss for whom. Hardly any of the women really suited his tastes; they all looked similar to him with their dresses and jewels. Through the whole night only one woman had caught his attention, and she was never companionless. The woman's golden mane fell onto her dainty shoulders, shoulders that had been kissed by the glowing sun. She had a slender frame, although her bust and hips still caught many men's attentions. Her gown was a striking red, as garnet red as her full smiling lips with white teeth. A slender nose lay between two rosy cheeks. Deep, sea green eyes with long fluttering lashes and defined eyebrows would occasionally turn his way. When their eyes met she would look away quickly, pretending as if she had not seen him. She was playing coy, Jayne knew that much.

"Caine Ulysses Hayden!" A male voice called. Jayne turned, looking at his friend.

"Kyle!" Jayne said, a smile forming on his face. Kyle was Jayne's only friend, a fellow trainee. He was the one who was hosting the ball; the only one who dared to invite Jayne to anything.

"How is the training going, dear friend?" Kyle questioned.

Jayne stood silent for a moment, before tilting his head to the side and answering. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Kyle chuckled at the all too true statement. "Understood. So what do you think? Is this magnificent or what?" Kyle asked, drunkenly motioning around the large expanse.

"Wonderful." Jayne dully responded.

"I thought as much! You do not like it anymore than I do!" A laugh escaped from the drunken lips of Kyle, followed by a deep rumble from Jayne.

"Any beauties caught your attention?" Kyle inquired.

Jayne was hesitant in his answer. "There's this one..."

"Do tell!" Kyle declared.

"That one." Jayne said pointing to the woman he had seen earlier.

Kyle frowned deeply. "Caine, I know you enjoy challenges...but you're way in over your head. She's got more suitors than you have guns. Most of them are practically throwing credits in her face. You shouldn't waste your time. Hell, I've even tried." He continued on, although his tone had grown softer. "No offense Caine, but you don't have the money or good looks of some of her previous chaps."

Jayne gave a forced smile; he had already known she was unreachable, but having his best friend tell him he had no chance only reaffirmed it. "Ah." Was his only reply.

The young man beside Jayne slicked back his hair, obviously thinking. "Come here Caine, I want you to meet some people." Kyle turned, not waiting for Jayne to tag along.

Jayne followed reluctantly. He was starting to forget what motivated him to join this nightmarish ball. Was it the chance for reputation? Perhaps new friendships? He would take the decision back in an instant now.

Kyle made his way to a large group of snobbish young men who were obviously drunk.

"Gentlemen, meet Caine Hayden." His speech slurred a little as he presented Jayne for everyone.

They all looked at him for a moment before their noses pointed upwards once again. Kyle did not see it, but the group had silently told Jayne they wanted nothing to do with him. The assembly chatted on as Jayne silently faded from the crowd.

He was thinking about leaving. He finally understood why he didn't belong. Although he tried to fit in, he had been born poor and lived poor ever since he could remember; he'd always be the underprivileged man with bad grammar and a horrible sense of style to these people.

He may be a destitute man, but he'd show these bastards how to dance.

His eyes scanned the large room, looking for lonely women. "There's one." He muttered to himself.

She was a bit portly, her neck invisible under the excess fat; but he didn't care. At least she didn't intimidate him. He strode over to her with a newfound confidence, bowing low before holding out his hand.

"Would you care to dance with me?" He whispered.

The woman's eyes went wide in disgust, her mouth open in silent horror. She jumped off the chair, heading for the opposite direction of Jayne. He had just been turned down by the most pathetic woman at the ball. Was it something he'd said?

He looked around watching people pointing his way and laughing. _That's it, _he thought. The rage in his chest started to swell. He always did let his anger get the best of him. He was going to make a quick exit before things got out of control.

He stomped to the front of the room, dodging the dancers that got in his way. He was almost there, almost free from humiliation. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself. That is when it happened.

He opened his eyes to see the woman he had pointed out to Kyle in front of him, soaked in wine.

"I'm sorry." Jayne implored. How long was it going to be until he could show his face in public again? He watched her pat her dress with another man's handkerchief.

"I'll…I'll pay for the dress." Jayne offered. _Good goin' asshole, how many credits is that goin' to take? _He mentally scolded himself.

"It's quite all right." She responded in a melodiously sounding voice. She offered him a small smile. "I'm Autumn Holden." She held out one of her petite hands.

Jayne took it in his large one. "Caine Hayden."

_**End Flashback**_

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Jayne managed a small smile. That had been the first time they had spoken to each other. Later, when they had been in a relationship for a few months, she had guiltily admitted that she had walked in front of him on purpose.

Jayne shook his head; his happy thoughts were being thrown aside by darker ones. He had also remembered the last time they had spoken to each other, a year and a half into their relationship.

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_**Jayne's Flashback**_

Jayne pulled Autumn's exposed body closer to him, gathering warmth from her. She pulled the covers closer to her, while turning to face him. Her soft lips met his in a passionate kiss, the two sharing a zealous spark of love.

"Will you promise me something Caine?" She asked while looking into his eyes.

Jayne looked at her with affection. "Anything." He responded.

"Promise me your lips will never touch anyone else's but mine." She whispered with tears in her eyes.

Jayne would've chuckled at the statement had he not seen the tears slipping from her jade eyes.

"I promise." He answered.

She sighed, snuggling up closer to him.

"Go to sleep." He whispered holding her close.

His eyes slowly closed at the soft breath tingling on his neck, and the everlasting beat of both hearts in unison. That had been the last time he had laid eyes on her.

_**End Flashback**_

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That had been the last time he saw her, the last time he had made love to her; but it had been the first promise; the only promise he made to her, and now he had broken that pledge.

He groaned, beating his head again the wall with rage.

"Well, what do we got here?" A voice hissed.

Jayne looked over to a middle aged man with wet, gangly brown hair. The rain left the man's features undistinguishable, but Jayne could tell it was some lowly pickpocket.

"Rut off." Jayne growled.

"Is that a challenge?" The pale figure asked. With a shrieking laugh, the male displayed a small knife, running towards Jayne with inhuman speed.

The man was going to die.

Jayne stood in a moment's time, retracting his own knife and shoving it in the man's throat, watching the crimson drip from the soft skin of the man's neck, onto his murderous hands.

He was a murderer. He was a thief. He deserved to die. Jayne cocked his head to the side. Was he talking about the man in front of him? Or was he talking about himself?

"I told you I'd kill you." Jayne whispered as he watched the man's eyes close.

He shoved the body to the ground, quickly jerking out the knife and thrusting it back into his pocket.

The chip.

He retrieved the chip from his left pocket, while taking the small apparatus from the other. He stuffed the chip in the opening of the device while looking around. He pushed a small, red button on the bottom of the mechanism. This is how he kept his thoughts from River Tam.

The only thing he knew about the gorram gadget was it was built by the same people who had messed with River's brain.

He didn't ask how it worked. He didn't ask why it worked. He only knew it worked, and that was good enough for him.

He shrugged, heading back to _Serenity._

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Boarding Serenity**_

Jayne stepped into the cargo hold, his eyes fixed on the craft's floor. A few people were there, playing a loud game of horseshoes.

"Hey Jayne!" Kaylee greeted.

When Jayne looked up, his heart caught in his throat. His eyes went wide in realization. He gasped, dropping the knife in his hand. To him, the dropping of the object sounded like a dull thud, but everyone turned their eyes upon him as the loud clang echoed throughout the area.

His mind screamed a thousand things to him, as his heart shrieked a thousand other thoughts.

Which one was he to believe?


End file.
